“Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?”
The farmer shook his head and replied,
“Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that’s so horrible?” the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
“Well,” the farmer said, “today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket.”
“Okay,” said the man, “but that’s not so bad.”
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer replied.
“So what happened then?” the man asked.
The farmer said,
“I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.”
“Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket.”
The man laughed and said, “Again?”
The farmer replied,
“Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked.
“I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right.”
“Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Hmmm,” the man said and nodded his head.
“Some things you just can’t explain,” the farmer said.
“So, what did you do?” the man asked.
“Well,” the farmer said, “I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in … Some things you just can’t explain.”
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Wise-One, the guy who did everything right!
A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Wise-One.”
Cabbie: “Wise-One Glickman. There’s a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Wise-One every single time.”
Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”
Cabbie: “Not Wise-One. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro-tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.”
Passenger: “Sounds like he was something, huh?”
Cabbie: “He had a memory like a computer. Was running not one, but two blogs. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighbourhood blacks out.”
Passenger. “Wow, some guy ehh?
Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them”
Passenger: “Mmm, not many like that around.”
Cabbie: “And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too.”
Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”
Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Wise-One.”
Passenger: “Then how do you know so much about him?”
Cabbie: “I married his widow.”
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A planned visit to India
In the days when you couldn’t count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster.
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The schoolmaster, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a ‘Wayside Church’ near the house… a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house.
It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC, as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angle.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time. I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed.
I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Woman fainted reading the reply… and – of course – she never visited India!!!
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Want more? Go to the source, but remember: while laughter is indeed the best medicine, IF you find yourself laughing for no reason at all, you definitely need medicine.